i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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