Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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