I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
