the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize