you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want to be your penis for a week.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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