She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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