Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
