I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
