I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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