she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Randomize
