There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
