can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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