The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Every concussion has its silver lining
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
