Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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