I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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