i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
do herpes really smell.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
