Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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