she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
