If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
