Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize