Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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