fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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