I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
