She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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