We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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