I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish you could order shots online.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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