I think I am morally bankrupt
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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