I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
