just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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