I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
