Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
