Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You took a bar mat shot.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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