If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
