Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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