I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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