New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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