her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
