so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize