I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you had me at cake vodka
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
