This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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