i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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