hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
how do you play pong handcuffed?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
