shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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