Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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