In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize