Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
