one might say we're banned from that church
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we're so committed to being not committed
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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