Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
