my soul wont recognize me after tonight
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
