What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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