You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
