I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
