The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
