my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
