Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
