Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
