it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
