I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
