I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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