he puts the penis in happiness.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
