Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
