im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize