Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
