Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
