The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
