O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
