Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
