he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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