Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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