he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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