Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
