please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
