zippers are such a cool invention
pop tarts are not kleenex
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
