It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
