I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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