I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize