i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize