all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
