wanna go halves on a baby?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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