Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
