I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
