The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
