HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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