I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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