its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
