um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
