You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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