i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
