okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
