Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
