One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
